I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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