watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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