Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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