every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
