No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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