she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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