i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
