at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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