Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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