i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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