First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
