see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
