How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
