No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
