My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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