dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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