Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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