OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
