i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
