I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
