____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
