you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have post one night stand depression
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