My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
