Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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