"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
