i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Randomize
