i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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