Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
