Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
