god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
