He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
