I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
