Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
