Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize