Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize