i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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