I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Small penises have feelings too.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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