I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
