Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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