You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
