I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
