...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
