Welp...herpes.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
