I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize