Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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