Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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