Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
