Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
