I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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