i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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