you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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