i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
