my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
