i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
it glows. i had to have it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
