Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize