Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
