; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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