My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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