new low.... made out with someone while peeing
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
